God's Plan for Dating/Courtship

Hey, since it is around the time for Valentine's day, we are getting bombarded with stuff about love, and boyfriends/girlfriends, and all that mushy stuff. (Sorry...my boy side coming out. I am slowly being broken in by the gentler sex, however.) So I figured it might help some of us, myself included, to have a discussion about what godly dating/courting looks like.
First, which model, (dating vs. courting) would you follow more closely?
What boundaries, if any, do you feel God would be glorified to have us set?
What age should it start, or is there any set age?
What do you think a godly relationship would look like?

Personally, I don't have any set laws here other than the ones God has set. If God tells me something's not right, I'll listen. If I break some other people's laws, I'll consider why I think it's okay before continuing (and if I change my mind, I'll try to find out why).

I'm one of those people who needs to know why I think what I do.

oh dear me, this is a tough one. I think either one is ok, though i would rather date. My parents wont let me date till i'm 18, so i think that's a good age. For me, a godly relationship would be just that, a godly one. not kissing till their engaged, being a servant to each other, growing in Christ together, I think that's how it should look anyway. but that's just my look on it.

Okay, here's my opinion. I see 13-14 year old kids "dating", and they take it seriously. Having a crush is not wrong, but when you "date" at that age you tend to want to show your love for the other person, even at ages 15-16. That age group, being hormonal and whatnot, could make very bad choices in trying to express their "love" for each other.

And between dating and courting, I would probably lean more towards courting. In my opinion, it's a lot more elegant and courteous.

that was wisely said, oj

First, which model, (dating vs. courting) would you follow more closely?
Courting.
What boundaries, if any, do you feel God would be glorified to have us set?
I believe that most all displays of affection, baring holding hands and sitting next to one another, should be saved for after engagement/marriage.
What age should it start, or is there any set age?
*sigh* This is a big one for me, as in my last year of public school (4th grade), a quarter of the class had already started "dating". It was terrible, as I knew that it wasn't right to be doing it at that age. I probably won't start until I'm 20+, but that's just me. I think that 18 is a good age, though.
What do you think a godly relationship would look like?
Ummm..I'll have to think about this one for a bit..I'll get back to you.

I tend to agree so far. I can't speak from experience, as I have not pursued anything with anyone up to now in my life, but it does not seem wise to put yourself in the way of temptation when it comes to more involved displays of affection, (again, barring maybe the holding of hands and sitting next to the other). I tend to lean more toward courting, and I think oj said it perfectly. It has a built-in dignity and solemnity, and beauty that dating just can't attain.

it depends, i mean, i dont know whether i'll court or date, still not sure. But i know that i want a godly relationship and to date or court a godly man.

Yea. The thing that counts is not the mode, if you will. It's more how you behave while the process occurs. Would your behavior towards the other glorify God?

capeng wrote:Yea. The thing that counts is not the mode, if you will. It's more how you behave while the process occurs. Would your behavior towards the other glorify God?

I'm sure it's possible to court someone sinfully, and just as possible to date someone in a righteous manor.

I like courtship better than dating. I tend to think that courtship is definitely the best way to go, but for those who think dating is okay, I don't try to be really critical towards them, especially keeping Romans 14 in mind.

I think that there are several boundaries through which God would be glorified. One that comes to mind right now, is through seeking godly advice, specifically through parents (if possible). I think that sometimes we can feel like parents are too strict, or too opinionated, etc. But really, it's through the help of parents (or other elders who can be like parents) that we can discern who is the right one. By making sure that both sets of parents give their blessing, we are most definitely showing our trust in God in this matter.

As far as a set age... I think that it really depends. I think that it is good to discuss with parents and decide a specific age for yourself. I know of one woman, who decided that she would not even consider a relationship until she was 21. This allowed her to stay focused on ministry, etc.

How do I think a godly relationship would look like?

1. As I mentioned above - by not only seeking godly advice, but also by trusting in parent's opinions, etc.
   
2. Saving kissing, hugging, and expressions of love for after marriage. This allows the couple to come together through a spiritual/emotional basis first.
   
3. Getting sibling's opinions. They may see things that you don't.
   
4. Not in constant communication. You should be able to have a life outside of this relationship for a while. Obviously, if you're considering marriage, you'll have to decide whether or not you can live your whole life with this person - but seriously, when you're in a relationship, you aren't married yet.

I also believe that it is good to make a list of who your future spouse must be (I believe that it is especially good to do this with parents and/or godly elders). For example, they must definitely be a strong Christian. Not just a Christian, but a strong Christian. You might also put on there that he/she must have a ministry mindset. -Ready to witness in any and every opportunity. Etc.